20 Things You Are Not Thinking About Today....

Ever find yourself walking down the street (or singing an 80s ballad in the shower….or doing eight minute abs) and have a thought come at you out of nowhere? Not just any thought: an above average thought. One you’d be inclined to try and remember.

I have these thoughts. Sometimes they’re not “real” thoughts, rather just satisfying reminders of things, people, and/or happenings. Most of the time they escape me before I can say, "Boutros Boutros-Ghali." My thoughts are forever fleeting. Plus, I never manage to write any of them down. Then, two weeks ago, something extraordinary happened.

I started writing some of them down.

And now, I share the randomness of my inner engine with you. These aren’t in any order. For the most part I’ve tried to limit commentary, preferring to let these babies live on their own. Some will be of interest. Some won’t. That’s the beauty of random thoughts: absorb or discard at your leisure.

20) Jeff Maggert’s Final Round of the 2003 Masters
Arguably the strangest round ever played by a golfer in contention for a major. Maggert triple-bogeyed the third hole, when a shot ricocheted off the lip of a bunker and came back to hit him (two-stroke penalty). Maggert then birdied the 5th and 10th holes to get back into contention, only to make a quintuple-bogey 8 at the par-3 12th (one shot in the bunker, two in the water). Incredibly, Maggert regrouped again, making three birdies in the last six holes, to finish with a 75 (good for 5th place).

19) Skid Row’s 1989 album.
Take this CD with you the next time you get some open road. If I Remember You and 18 & Life don’t add 15 mph to the speedometer, I’ll make sure you get a refund.

18) Hector “Macho” Camacho
Three-time boxing champ, Hector "Macho" Camacho, was sent to jail Monday after pleading guilty to a 2004 burglary charge. In an earlier written statement Camacho apologized for the break-in, which caused nearly $13,000 in damage and losses at ZDI Computer Center in Gulfport, MS.

This is the man who beat Roberto Duran twice and also laid out Sugar Ray Leonard. Camacho also lost highly touted (big $$$) fights to Felix Trinidad and Oscar de la Hoya. Everyone should now be asking: “how many millions did Camacho get screwed out of (by his agent), making shoplifting at ZDI a necessary option?”

17) The Lack of Temperature Readings on the Chicago Lakefront.
There are three major television stations in Chicago, two newspapers, and a gazillion other informational sources -- none of which offer a temperature on Chicago’s lakefront. They offer temperatures for O’Hare, DuPage, Aurora, and Joliet -- where the cumulative differential is 0.25 degrees. But on the lakefront where the temperature can vary by 20 degrees, pending the wind, they’ve got nothing. Not even an $8 intern with a thermometer and a cell phone. Nothing.

16) Ataturk (founder of the Republic of Turkey)
I knew virtually nothing about Turkish history before reading Orhan Pamuk’s The Black Book. Somewhere in that novel, probably around the 800th off-hand reference to the guy, I realized that Ataturk was a bad ass.

15) Contact
When was the last time you walked out of a movie theatre and needed to chew things over for awhile? And I mean, really chew things over.

14) The Bash Brothers
Remember those posters of Mark McGuire and Jose Canseco “bashing” their forearms together after a home run? Fast forward fifteen years and Canseco, having taken a nose-dive from childhood idol to pond scum’s illegitimate son, writes a tell-all book admitting his steroid use, referencing McGuire’s usage, and causing the baseball world (and Congress) to begin a long overdue steroid investigation.

Of all people, history may remember Jose Canseco as the one most responsible (even if unintentional) for helping baseball end its steroid era. In the ultimate irony, Canseco may have simultaneously bashed McGuire’s chances for the Hall of Fame.

13) Beets (red or otherwise)
You can’t even fathom how much I hate this vegetable.

12) Opposite George
George: It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat - it's all been wrong.”

Jerry: If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.

George: Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something.

11) The Opening Lines of London Fields by Martin Amis.
“This is a true story but I can’t believe it’s really happening. It’s a murder story, too. I can’t believe my luck. And I love story (I think), of all strange things, so late in the century, so late in the goddamned day.”

10) AIDS
Has AIDS received less attention in recent years? If so, could it be a good thing, implying less people are contracting the virus? Nope. I just checked. 37.2 million adults in the world are infected with HIV, plus another 2.3 million children. 65% of those infected live in Africa (actually thought this % would be higher). The number of people infected with HIV has grown by 4000% since Ryan White’s death in 1991 and 25% over the last three years.

9) Imaginary Numbers
Let this one sink in for a second. A number, inherently, has an equivalency. Even zero equals something: zilch. And yet, mathematicians found a set of "numbers" that are abstractions (as in the square root of -1 or my sex life in the mid 90s).

8) Don't Stop Believin'
Approximately two years ago someone sent an anonymous email to bar owners and DJ’s which said, “Note to Everyone: Journey’s Don't Stop Believin' is now the official bar anthem for the nation.” The sender had a large distribution list. I’m not complaining.

7) Rachel Robinson
Rachel recently appeared on ESPN’s Sunday Night baseball in celebration of the 60th anniversary of Jackie’s pioneering season. After listening to her commentary for one inning, it was abundantly clear that she & Jackie made a tenacious, two-headed team. Rachel also referenced a forthcoming motion picture about Jackie and noted that Robert Redford is slated to play Branch Rickey. Muy Interesante.

6) O-Ke-Doke Cheese Popcorn
I don’t have a specific intent here. I’m just craving O-Ke-Doke. For kicks, I’m also offering up this mouth-watering, formulaic contemplation: any sandwich + any soda + any cookie + O-Ke-Doke = a lunchtime supernova.

5) Reruns
Whoever pitched executives on “old TV” had a heck of a day. Perhaps gratitude should be directed towards someone at Nickelodeon (Nick at Night)? I say this as I prepare to watch my second episode of Family Guy (ever). If it’s anything like the first, I’m going to be here awhile.

4) The Oracle
The home arena for the Golden State Warriors, host to an NBA playoff game for the first time in thirteen years on April 28, 2007. It was the largest crowd ever to see a basketball game in California. Golden State fans, generally thought to be the most dedicated in the NBA, watched their 8th seed Warriors beat the 1st seed Mavericks to take a 2 – 1 lead in the best-of-seven series. The Warriors then won game six, at the Oracle, to clinch the series. Golden State player Stephen Jackson swore the crowd noise was so deafening he could feel The Oracle shaking.

3) April 21, 2007
The first day of 2007 my post-run shower didn’t need to be piping hot. Neither hands nor limbs required thawing out; a cool shower felt good. Readers in California who occasionally contemplate moving back to the Midwest should reference this factoid on a post-it note and put it somewhere visible. Highly visible.

2) The Hubble Telescope
Controversy has engulfed Hubble over a final servicing mission needed to replace gyroscopes (required to point the telescope) and the main camera. Advocates point to Hubble’s accomplishments to date which include: observations of distant supernovae which indicate the expansion of the universe may be accelerating, detection of extrasolar planets around sun-like stars, and optical counterparts for gamma-ray bursts: the most luminous events known in the universe since the Big Bang.

On October 31, 2006, NASA gave the green light for a final Hubble servicing mission to be flown by Atlantis, planned for September 2008. This mission will allow the telescope to function until at least 2013, when its successor, the James Webb Space Telescope (JWST), is due to be launched.

I’ve got the mission pegged for time and money well spent.

1) Wayne Arnold (older brother on The Wonder Years)
One of the most symbolically irritating big brothers television has ever known. He also sported one of TV’s best mullets. When Kevin was given an assignment to write his own obituary; Wayne offered these prophetic words in describing his little brother: “Born a butthead, lived a butthead's life, died a butthead.”

Wayne Arnold, what a guy.