The Monthly Stew

20) Tis the Season (still)
The 2007 holiday season was bleak for retailers. To date that is.

Gift-card purchases aren’t counted as sales until the cards are redeemed. And analysts estimate that over $30 billion was spent on gift card purchases during the ‘07 holiday season.

As a society it’s nice to see we’re shirking “it’s the thought that counts” and endorsing “let me choose my own damn gift later.”

19) A Love Supreme
I love pizza. Historically, I’ve been a pepperoni or cheese devotee. Then, a few weeks ago, I faced a daunting option at my local, grocery store (White Hen): buy supreme or nothing at all. I opted for supreme. And to my surprise, it was mighty tasty. So now I’m hooked on Digiorno’s frozen supreme (who needs delivery?).

Anecdotally, this numeral also refers to a terrific John Coltrane album. And Trane goes well with any ‘za.

18) Matters of Size
The largest mammal is 400 million times heavier than the smallest. The Great Barrier Reef is longer than Europe. Giant sequoias, excluding their immense system of roots, are three and a half times longer than the biggest whales. And deep on the ocean floor, creatures 1,000 times smaller than one human blood cell co-exist with the giants of the sea.

Let’s end the debate once and for all: size matters.

17) The Watt Spot
Tired of paying so much for electricity? Craving an alternative?

ComEd is now offering a real-time pricing plan, based on hourly usage. In essence, if you use less electricity during peak hours, or if you don’t consume much electricity in general, you should save money under the real-time plan. And ComEd displays the hourly kilowatt prices for each day on its Watt Spot website, in addition to forecasted prices for the following day.

Kudos to Todd Smith for bringing us this option.

16) Across the Universe
I was on the fence about the Beatles’ cinematic rock medley, Across the Universe, when I first saw the previews. I sat on the fence until Christmas when my mom and I trucked over to the dollar theater for a viewing. Talk about a high ROI.

The storyline worked, but not surprisingly the musical arrangements were the highlight: Dear Prudence, Let it Be, and I Want to Hold Your Hand in particular. There were also great cameos by Joe Cocker, Bono, Selma Hayek, and Maxwell's Silver Hammer. Say nothing of the uncanny physical likeness between lead actor, Jim Sturgess, and Paul McCartney.

The best buck I’ve spent in a while. And the price of admission comes with a week’s worth of humming to Beatles’ melodies.

15) Small Town Alert: Cincinnati, Indiana
Not a typo. That’s right: we’re talking about WKRP in Indiana. Located in the heart of Greene County, Cincinnati (IN) is right down the road from Hobbieville and Popcorn (I kid you not): approx. 20 miles southwest of the utopia that is Bloomington, IN.

Moreover, a resident of Cincinnati, IN has inadvertently (let me say brilliantly!) motivated a future blog entry. Stay tuned.

14) Bringing Classy Back
Ever notice the old men who dress up for a flight -- believing that travel is, by itself, a dignified occasion worthy of nice attire.

That move is all class. I likeitalot.

I’m not saying I’ll be wearing a suit and necktie on my next flight, but dress paints with a collar shirt? Take it to the bank.

13) Anna Netrebko
This Russian vixen is on the verge of becoming opera’s #1 diva. Her Cinderella story – from washing floors at the Mariinsky Theatre (for the Kirov Opera in St. Petersburg) to starring on that very same stage – makes her ascent all the more remarkable.

Her voice is big enough to fill any rotunda, and yet her pitch is light and seemingly effortless, without the weighty vibrato that makes opera sound like a bathtub full of lava.

Regarding Anna: I. Am. Sold.

12) Patron
When did Patron become the standby tequila at the bar? Patron went from 0 to 60 faster than any liquor in memory. And it’s not like they’ve been putting on a huge marketing blitz.

Personally, I think Patron is a classic example of mavens taking to something and making it tip in popularity -- Malcolm Gladwell style. In this case the tip happens to be literal: down our throats.

And with that rationale in mind, I think Patron should send my buddy Jason a royalty check – he’s been advocating for Patron since the Fraggle Rock era. And trust me, that’s a lot of tequilla.

11) Fraggle Rock
How great was this show?!? Admittedly, I'm a little out of touch with TV programming for kids, but my gut says that Henson’s beloved, underground Muppets would still resonate with children today. Somebody should call the Henson estate and look into distribution rights: I smell Franklins.

10) The Grape of the Month: Petite Sirah
Not to be confused with Syrah/Shiraz, Petite Sirah is its own, distinct grape. Well, sort of.

Most of the grapes which we consider Petite Sirah are really a grape called Durif, which was developed in France in the late 1800s by Francois Durif by crossing Syrah and Peloursin. Today, Petite Syrah thrives in warm, dry climates and is mainly harvested in California.

Petite Sirahs are peppery, jammy wines with an explosive amount of fruit. The opposite of a subtle, long-finishing Cabernet, Petite Sirah grabs your palate from the getgo. Foppiano ($18), Guenoc ($14), and Bogle ($11) in California all specialize in Petite Sirah. Each should be available in retailers nationwide.

9) Lisa Gherardini Smile
The wife of a wealthy Florentine merchant, Francesco del Giocondo, has long been considered the most likely model for the world’s most renowned painting, The Mona Lisa. But art historians have often wondered whether the smiling woman may actually have been Da Vinci's lover, his mother, or someone else entirely.

Now experts at the Heidelberg University library say dated notes scribbled in the margins of a book in October 1503 confirm once and for all that Lisa del Giocondo, whose maiden name was Gherardini, was the subject in Da Vinci’s portrait.

With this caper solved, maybe I can finally get some sleep at night.

8) A, B, C, E, G...
Are there certain words you absolutely, positively cannot spell? Worse, they never (!) look right when you type/write them out. For me “subscriber” and “occasionally” might as well be supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

Yet again I say: thank goodness for spellcheck.

7) Thug Life
Some people daydream about fortune and fame. Some merely want alone time on the couch. Others want to get thugged out. But we shouldn’t ever assume to know who fits in which category.

Last week a woman sat next to me on the work-bound train doing her make-up. Early twenties and wearing a semi-provocative outfit, but nothing that would make you question her Christianity. Only when she threw her hair aside to leave did I see the huge “THUG LIFE” tattoo emblazoned on her neck.

People: you never know.

6) No Country for Old Men...or Young Men...or Women
Say what you want about Afghanistan, Iraq, or even Iran – for my money the most dangerous country on earth is Pakistan (by a landslide). The assassination of opposition leader and U.S. ally, Benazir Bhutto, is just another indication of the country’s instability. It’s a good thing Musharraf has those nukes locked away in safe-keeping (cough, cough).

I don’t scare easily, but when I think about an Apple Vacation to Pakistan I envision something out of Patriot Games with a cartel of Pakistanis shooting rocket launchers at me, the lone Americano in an 800-mile radius. In a word: pass.

5) Words of Wisdom w/It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis: “I hate listening to people's dreams. It's like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody's having sex, I just don't care.”

4) “I survived $40 crude.”
In the spring of 2004 someone handed me a T-shirt which read: “I survived $40 crude.” The implicit non-joke was that $40 prices were temporary. And you know what, the t-shirt hecklers were right: $40 crude was temporary. Now we’re being treated to bargain basement prices of $100 a barrel.

My name isn’t T. Boone Pickens, but Econ 101 taught me about the old supply and demand curve. And if I were trading oil futures, I think I’d get long, and stay long.

3) The New York Football Giants
Occasionally – every blue moon – one of my ranting predictions comes to fruition. There are a lot of pleasures in this world, but on a short term basis, nothing (I mean nothing!) beats being right. And if you’ll remember back in October, I opined that the Giants were a highly undervalued betting prospect at 65-1.

Three months later only four NFL Teams remain, and the Giants are one of them. And you’d better believe they are no longer 65-1.

2) A Penny for Your Thoughts
Is it me or is tipping now required with virtually every transaction? I think the unwritten rule of thumb is if the buyer isn’t carrying the item of purchase to the register (i.e. someone has to get/make/do something for you) tipping is either acceptable or warranted. Meanwhile, I think my dry cleaner adds a tip into her mental calculation of what I should owe – five shirts and a pair of pants is anywhere from $9 to $12 pending the week.

I'm waiting for the day when a tip is expected after the exchange of random information; it can't be that far off.

1) You Are What You Eat
A typical human has 30,000 genes. And of those 30,000, on average, only 30 will vary from person to person – which means that your DNA is approximately 99.9% the same as Ted Nugent, JLo, and Charlton Heston.

Perhaps not surprisingly, our genetic makeup is also 95% similar to that of a chimpanzee. However, scientists are also discovering that our genetic makeup is very similar to plants. For example, we share about 75% of the same DNA as a pumpkin.

A factoid I'm planning to intentionally forget the next time someone serves up a warm slice of pumpkin pie.