The Monthly Stew

20) Let's Play Ball
The Cubs have played one game and already own one of their staple, wrenching losses. Down 3 - 0 to the Brewers, the Cubs rallied with three runs in the ninth, only to lose 4 - 3 in ten innings. New season, same old century.

Fortunately there are two other teams I'll be cheering for this season: the Mariners and the Nationals. With the addition of Eric Bedard to go alongside King Felix and lights out closer J.J. Putz, the Mariners have a "scary as hell" playoff nucleus if they can survive the AL West. And you can't help but like Ichiro.

Meanwhile, the Nationals have moved into their beautiful, new stadium, where they'll have to improve attendance if they want to keep baseball in town. But if Ryan Zimmerman's walk-off homer in last night's opening game is any indication, maybe there's reason for hope in the nation's capital.

I wish my grandpa could have seen it.

19) "Impossible"
We've got a new context for the word "impossible." Examples: that watch is impossible. Or: that haircut is impossible. Or: that guy's stench is downright impossible.

Thanks go to Iron Mike Zent for creating this off-the-cuff usage.

18) A Hole in the Cosmos
How'd you like to wake up one day and find a hole in the universe 1000 X bigger than anything previously discovered. Not exactly your typical day at the office.

17) The Super High Five
As if the world needed another horse racing wager, Churchill Downs has announced that it will follow Santa Anita's lead and offer bettors the chance to pick the first five horses in order. To say that payouts for said bet are going to be rather large might be the understatement of the century. In fact, I'm going to set the over/under for the High Five payout in the Derby at $400K. And that's for a $1 bet.

In summary: good night and good luck.

16) What Can Big Brown Do For You?
Speaking of Churchill Downs, as of Saturday there's a new Derby favorite: Big Brown. This Richard Dutrow horse dismantled the field in the Florida Derby, going wire to wire and drawing away down the stretch. Big Brown overcame the worst post position in the field and a short run to the first turn en route to a blazing time of 1:48.16, merely 1/3 of a second off the track record.

Wiring the field in the Florida Derby is one thing, The Run for the Roses is a whole different ballgame. But that's not to diminish Big Brown's performance on Saturday. It was flat out awesome.

15) Small Town Alert: Poteet, Texas
Located 20 minutes south of San Antonio with a population of 3,305, Poteet is home to the largest agricultural festival in Texas, the Poteet Strawberry Festival. Taking place each April, the Festival boasts over 100 acres of strawberry fields, ripe for the picking. This year's 61st annual festival will take place on April 11 - 13th, known outside of Poteet as Masters weekend.

Poteet is also the birthplace of country star, George Strait.

14) Guy Pearce
Did this guy fall off the face of the planet or what? He had leading roles in two terrific movies, L.A. Confidential and Memento, and then he went Houdini on us. I IMBD'd Guy and the only movies he's made in the last five years were either busts or flicks I'd never heard of -- with long intervals of inactivity in between.

Maybe Guy needed some alone time. Or maybe Hollywood quietly blackballed ole boy. Regardless, I'm hoping there's a resurrection forthcoming. A very talented actor.

13) Slings & Arrows
This three-season Canadian darling might be the best show most people have never heard. Off-beat and often hilarious, this drama took home prize after prize in Canada. And it's deserving of every accolade.

Set in the fictional town of New Burbage, theatrical madman Geoffrey Tennant returns to the New Burbage Theatre Festival as artistic director after the sudden death of his mentor, Oliver Welles. But Geoffrey finds Oliver looming about, in spirit anyway, and with his guidance (and often in spite of it) Geoffrey attempts to reconcile his past and revive the festival.

If you like well-written, quirky dramas featuring an assemblage of screwball, yet somehow credible characters, this series is a must.

12) Cheetos
I can feel the tide turning; cheetos are making a come back. And you can count me in the "reborn" category -- I love 'em. And I'm not alone: I've been noticing an uptick of fingers doused in orange during the lunch time hour.

And yes, I do lick my fingers after the fact.

11) "Goose, I think it's Time to Buzz the Shore."
Most of us will never have the opportunity to jump in an F-16 and buzz the Tower, a la Maverick and Goose. But in the Chinese city of Dandong, located on the N. Korea border, for a measley ten yuan (approx. $1.40) residents can catch a ride on a speed-boat and "buzz the shore" -- hoping to get a look at the North Koreans. This is an especially favored tradition on auspicious wedding days, when the newly wed couple puts life preservers over their wedding clothes and heads for the shore.

If nothing else, it sure beats the price of renting a fighter jet.

10) The Grape of the Month: Malbec
Malbec is the most celebrated and accessible varietal from Argentina. It's an inky, dark, robust wine which requires a lot of sun to ripen. Malbec is mainly planted in the western foothills of the Andes in the beautiful region of Mendoza, where you'll find some of the best value wines on the planet.

Pascual Toso ($9), Terrazas Reserva $(10), Juan Benegas ($11), and Clos de los Andes ($20) all offer terrific examples.

9) FDR Closes the Nation's Banks
Amidst the current sub-prime lending debacle, there has been a lot of talk about the government's role as an oversight body for private, financial institutions.

For the sake of perspective, historians will note that FDR ordered an audit of every bank in the country immediately upon taking office, with instructions that no bank would reopen until the government authorized it. More astounding, President Roosevelt sent the baking legislation to Congress in the morning, passed it through the Senate that afternoon, and signed the bill into law that night in order to try and protect the faltering industry.

A bill written and made into law in one day: unbelievable.

8) When You're Young at Heart
There are remarkable feats and then there are remarkable feats, but if this guy pulls this off, "astounding" has been taken to a whole new level.

7) A Little War Branding
In China the Korean War was known as "The War of Resistance Against America and Support for Korea" -- a not-so-subtle reminder to me that a country with a billion people supported the North Koreans and their communist ties.

My takeaway: perspective, it comes with nationalistic ties.

6) $180 Jeans
How did designer jeans go from "purchased by a select few" to "endorsed by the masses" in so little time? It's not like the raw material costs are high. And what's with the ridiculous patterns that take up half the ass?

This development has me scratching my head, but then again I'm probably not the best reference point. I was calling them "blue jeans" up until a few weeks when a friend informed me, "they're just jeans."

5) Words of Wisdom w/It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Frank (trying to convince Dee to run against her brother): "There is nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who is smart and attractive. We have to pretend you're both!"

4)"It's the Economy, Stupid."
Politics. It's nothing if not cyclical. The populace shuffles to the left, and then back to the right, as the country's mood ebbs and flows. One day we're bearish, the next we're bullish, and then after Sept. 11th the hawks rule the roost.

But give things a little time and the issues tend to come full circle again. Just like the election of 1992, the economy appears to be taking center stage as fears of a recession mount. A reality which could sway the election in November.

3) Putting his Money Where His Mouth Is
Speaking of politics, former Vice President Al Gore has launched a three-year, multi-million dollar advocacy campaign calling for the U.S. to reduce its greenhouse gas emissions. The Alliance for Climate Protection will combine advertising and online organizing with grassroots efforts to educate the public about global warming and urge solutions from elected officials. Some advertisements will feature bipartisan pairs, such as the Rev. Al Sharpton with Pat Robertson and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi with former Speaker Newt Gingrich.

The Alliance will initially spend $300 million over three years and could spend more in the future. Some of the money is coming from Gore himself, including personal profits from the book and movie, "An Inconvenient Truth," and a $750,000 award from his share of the Nobel Peace Prize and a personal matching gift.

2) Blasian
As I was flipping through profiles on Match.com last month I noticed a girl who referenced her black + asian ethnicity as "blasian." In a word: classic.

1) Rocket Man
This year's Winter Music Conference in Miami had too many highlights to list. But I will never forget walking onto the terrace at Space as Sander Kleinenberg laid down a killer remix of Elton John's Rocket Man, as a sea of dancing enthusiasts went bonkers.

What a weekend.