The Not So Monthly Stew: Barcelona Edition

20) Making Up for Lost Time
The Chowder’s pages have been stagnant. Time to change that.

The goal: three entries over the next ten days, all from Barcelona and the surrounding islands. Spread the word and man your battle stations, the most interesting man in his own world...is back.

19) He Can Speak French, in Russian.
Speaking of the most interesting man in the world, I hope you’ll remember that The Chowder was clamoring about Dos Equis’ eccentric front man eons before most of the populace started paying attention. And it appears the campaign is working: through mid-June, a period when imported beer sales dropped 11%, Dos Equis’ sales rose by 17%, moving the brand into eighth place among imports (in a tie with Stella Artois).

You have to love good advertising at work, which is why I’m tapping Euro RSCG Worldwide, the marketing savants behind the Dos Equis ads, to market my next international venture, which will undoubtedly involve Argentina.

18) He Can Speak Spanish, in English.
That would be me -- on every street and in every discoteca -- in Espana.

17) Reexamining Orbitz
Orbitz used to be a “browsing only” website for flights; no reason for visitors to pay their supplemental booking fee. That day has changed.

Orbitz no longer charges a fee, and perhaps more noteworthy, they are locking in prices with the airlines for a window of time.

I found my flight to Barcelona on Air France via Orbitz, but when I went to purchase the flight on Air France’s website, the price had gone up. I went back to Orbitz and found my original price still an option, saving me $200. AND I got great seats.

Travel junkies should take note.

16) The U.S. Dollar
Murphy’s Law: I spend extended time abroad; the dollar couldn’t be wurser.

15) Lonely Planet
I’m normally a naysayer when it comes to other people’s fancies, and travel recommendations for the masses are even less likely to get me excited. Accordingly, hopefully you will do more than raise an eyebrow when I endorse Lonely Planet in bold. It’s flat out FANtastic.

I’m also convinced LP’s demographic is anyone who 1) can read and 2) is traveling. Shopping, clubbing, food, local attractions off the beaten path: LP has the insider’s scoop on everything. A big kudos and muchas gracias to the contributing writers and editors: “TOP NOTCH.”

14) Boulevards
Is there anything more romantic than Europe’s wider-than-all-get-out, tree-lined boulevards? Even better when said boulevard is lined with eclectic boutiques and women who moonlight in Chanel ads, as happens to be the case more often than not in Barcelona. I can’t get enough.

On a semi-related note, is there anything more antierotic than a cul de sac?

13) Vaya con Gaudi
New York owes Central Park to Olmsted. Burnham revitalized Chicago after the Great Fire. Marie de Medici brought the Champs Elysees to Paris.

Their contributions all pale in comparison to Gaudi’s influence in Barcelona: the man is everywhere.

From La Pedrera to Casa Batllo to Parc Guell to La Sagrada Familia, you can not walk a mile in BCN without running into one of Antoni’s modern, vibrant, unique works.

12) The Games of the 31st Olympiad
Pondering what Chicago might look like post-Olympics (should their bid succeed)? Come to Barcelona. The ’92 Summer Games made this city anew.

There’s a whole new barrio (neighborhood) as a result of the Games and beyond it, a newly created stretch of beach that is approx. three miles long. Amazingly, Barcelona didn’t have a public beach prior to the Olympics; now their beachfront rivals Chicago.

Imagine the South Loop Lakefront – the incumbent home for the Olympic Village -- extending for another 3 miles and becoming a tourist mecca. It might just happen.

11) Netherland
Every trip deserves a good book and Joseph O’Neill’s Pen/Faulkner Winning effort, Netherland, surpasses the “good” designation by a solid margin. High marks.

10) Origen 99.9%
There are four Origen 99.9% locations hovering around Barcelona; I’m on a quest to eat at all four. Their diverse menus (all tapas) – made using 99.9% local ingredients from Catalonia – are almost too good to be true.

Their Manzanilla rellena del Empordà -- apple stuffed with minced pork meat and veal, lemon peel, pepper, sugar, a touch of cinamon, eggs and carquinyoli powder -- might be the best $6 I’ve ever spent.

9) "Fuck You Like an Animal"
Sofia and I were finishing a late dinner at Origen 99.9% last Saturday when the restaurant put on a CD of a lounge singer/pianist, belting out remixes of American rap and hard rock songs. The next thing I know, said lounge singer is singing a melodic version of Nine Inch Nails’ “I Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal.”

Can you imagine being at a nice, albeit eclectic, restaurant in the States and hearing lounge-inspired versions of Nine Inch Nails at the end of the night?

8) T^3: Travel Agencies, Tattoos, and Topless Beaches
I thought travel agencies died with the advent of the internet. Nope. They’re everywhere in Barcelona. I don’t think Travelzoo and TripAdvisor have European counterparts.

Tattoos are also en vogue in Barcelona. And I’m not talking about the Chinese symbol for “peace” on your upper arm or a dolphin on your ankle; I’m talking visible, half-the-torso body art.

As a general rule, I think female beach-goers look better in a two-piece. But the general populace is not hanging out at Bogatell Beach in Barcelona; the beautiful minority blesses this sand. So at Bogatell, I am decidedly “pro” topless.

7) Jamon Iberico
I’ve never understood the infatuation with gourmet grocery stores. When I walk into Whole Foods I feel like it’s a packaging expedition – 1001 ways to recreate a bag of tortilla chips. But even this culinary kindergartner occasionally stumbles onto a “must-have,” and jamon iberico fits the bill.

And incredibly, I just googled “Jamon Iberico and Chicago” and my friend Guillermo Trias came up in the first search on "ChicagoFoodies.com" as the man responsible for bringing Jamon Iberico to Chicago.

I thought his import business was focused only on wine; thankfully/blessedly, that appears not to be the case.

Seriously folks, you can't make these coincidences up.

6) La Clima (the weather)
I can’t get over how good the weather is in Barcelona. It’s somewhere between 76 and 88 every day, sunny with low humidity. And for dessert you get a fresh sea breeze off the Mediteranean, keeping a crispness to the air.

And again I mumble an all-too-familiar refrain: “why do I live in Chicago.”

5) Shakira
In the States most gringos would categorize Shakira as the beautiful Colombian with superior rump-shaking skills. What most of us probably overlook is that Shakira has serious pipes…..she can REALLY sing.

Go to any bar in Spain and you’re likely to be serenaded by Shakira via the loudspeaker. I’m not complaining.

4) Cava, Cava, y mas Cava
Wine is cheap in Spain, and good bubbly (the local version is “cava”) is plentiful. REALLY plentiful. If ever in the L’Eixample neighborhood of Barcelona, you must visit Xampany: a wine store which is the self-proclaimed “cathedral de cava.”

Back in the States if you’re looking to try a new cava, seek out “Nadal.” It’s produced by a well-known family (no relation to the tennis star) in Catalonia, and “nadal” in Catalan means “Christmas.” So all the locals in Catalonia drink Nadal on Christmas.

Sounds like a worthwhile tradition to me.

3) The magicJack
You probably don’t no anyone (save me) using the magicJack, a VOIP solution which offers you a local U.S. phone number anywhere in the world. Give it a year, the magicJack’s tipping point is quickly approaching.

The call quality is excellent, the price is absurd ($40 the first year and $20 every year after), and it works anywhere you have WiFi or DSL. The magicJack is a replacement-in-wait for every American’s nauseating relationship with their local phone company.

Just remember, you heard about it here first.

2) The White Isle (Ibiza)
If your local neighborhood bar is a singly patty hamburger. And your favorite bar in town is a thick, juicy double patty with crisp lettuce and fresh slices of tomatoes. And the best lounges/clubs in New York, Miami, and L.A. are mouth-watering ½ pound sirloin burgers with your favorite fixings. The clubs in Ibiza are quad-patty-quad-cheese-two-pound-kobe-beef-Edenesque mountains.

The difference is that distinct.

An entire entry devoted to the White Isle is forthcoming.

1) Beautiful Girls
“A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinking Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high full of the single greatest commodity known to man - promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's going to be okay.”

Truer words have never been spoken. More to come on this subject as well.