Masters Wrap-Up, TNT, Mints, and R. Kelly...

Little bit of everything tonight. Don’t be expecting Pulitzer material. I’ve watched over twenty hours of Masters coverage since my last entry. I’ve been to church. I’ve eaten Arni’s pizza. And I’ve been within a furlong of Churchill Downs.

For me, this is the equivalent of sensory overload. Bear with me.

Well, Tigger couldn’t pull through on Sunday at Augusta. Not shocking by itself. Here’s the overlooked byline from my vantage point: Tiger is 0-for-28 in majors when he trails coming into Sunday. When he has the lead, he wins. But he has never come from behind. For a man with 56 career PGA wins, 12 majors, and a 10 – 1 record in playoffs, I think this is a notable statistic. If not a hole in Tiger’s armor, perhaps a visible chink.

Adorning the Green Jacket, we have Zach Johnson. What a performance. Keep in mind, Johnson wasn’t even the #1 player on his high school golf team. Four years ago he was playing on the Nationwide Tour. Now he’s a Ryder Cup veteran and The Masters champion -- having persevered through some of the most brutal conditions in Augusta's history, and a Sunday show-down with Retief and Tiger. All this from a self-described “normal-guy” from Iowa city.

Sorry Zach. You may think you are normal. In actuality, all evidence is to the contrary.

In other golfing news, 102 year-old Elsie McLean of Chico, CA became the oldest person to ever record a hole-in-one last Thursday. McLean aced the 100-yard fourth hole at Bidwell Municipal Golf Course – where she’s been playing for more than seventy years. "My shot hit the green on the fly,” said McLean. “It didn't bounce on a rock or roll down a hill or anything,"

Now this is the type of human interest story I love. A fountain of youth candidate who is defending the validity of her shot at age 102. That’s how it should be. Congratulations Elsie. Here’s hoping there are many years at Bidwell Municipal still ahead of you.

Moving on……

I caught the The Pelican Brief and Cast Away on the tube recently thanks to Ted Turner (TNT: we know drama). Both are going on my Top 10 list of most underrated movies. I don’t know what else belongs in this category right now, except for Midnight Run.

Here’s what I like most about The Pelican Brief: it’s a lawyer movie without a heavy emphasis on lawyering. No momentous, courtroom show-downs (“you can’t handle the truth”). No Matlock “ahah moments.” Just a semi-plausible brief written by a law student, a bunch of suspenseful scenes, and good acting.

I’m ready for the sequel.

Cast Away, on the other hand, has the carpe diem quotient: it makes me want to get off my ass and do something with my life. Love it when that happens. Seriously, this film has it all. Hanks at his best, an unlikely yet believable relationship between man and volleyball, a solid love interest (Helen Hunt), and a great ending which leaves Hanks, representing everyman, at a literal & metaphorical crossroads (TNT: we know everyman).

In olden days, I would have gone straight out for a run after a movie like Cast Away. In olden days, I was a semi-serious runner. This go-round the motivation was something less rigorous: calling an old friend. Still a valuable addition to my week. Thanks TNT.

And now a random assortment of closing notes….

1) The Cubs' WGN announcer, Len Kasper, cannonballed into opening day coverage at Wrigley Field yesterday with these words, “welcome to game seven of championship season.” Note to Len: the last time the Cubs won a World Series none of these items had been invented yet – frozen food, insulin, the tommy-gun, stainless steel, band aids, and the zipper. Amidst a century long drought, referring to this as “championship season” might be a little premature…and ignorant…..with or without your zipper.

2) I think I’d be more of a church-going guy if normal Sunday services resembled Easter. Easter services are hopeful, joyful, reflective, and stockpiled with good hymns. The Easter service I attended even got trumpets and a tuba into the mix. Brass goes along way for me.

3) Has anyone noticed that downtown restaurants and lounges are diversifying their selection of bathroom mints? It used to be that traditional red and white was your only choice (advanced citizens might call this peppermint). Then restaurateurs starting offering gum and other candies. Now, I’m seeing regular appearances by yellow and white, and orange & white, mints.

I think this is a great development and wholeheartedly endorse the orange & white mint with its tangy, yet refreshing, overtones.

4) Driving home last Thursday I caught R. Kelly’s new song, I’m a Flirt, on the radio. I about had to pull the car over from laughter. Check out these lyrics:

She Lookin At U When I Walk By
U Turn Yo Head, She Wink Her Eye
I Can't Help If She Checkin For A Platinum Type Of Guy
She Be Callin Me Daddy, And I Be Callin Her Mommy
She Be Callin U Kelly, When Yo Name Is Tommy
I Don't Know What Yall Be Thinkin
When U Bring Em Round Me
Let Me Remind U That I Am The King Of R&B
Do U Know What That Means
That Means If U Love Yo Chick
Don't Bring Her To The VIP
Cuz I Might Leave Wit Yo Chick
Just Keepin It Real
It's A Playa's Feel

Cuz, Wit and Yo (meaning your): these are the things I miss out on by being white.