The Envelope Please....

I’m a sucker for good movies. Or maybe I’m just a sucker. Regardless, my enjoyment of the cinema is real.

In particular I savor foreign films, thought-provoking dramas, offbeat comedies, and feel-good flicks. And with the Oscar season about to begin in earnest, I thought it time to dedicate an entire entry to the cinema. In as much, I’ve tried to spice things up by concocting categories to coincide with some of my favorite and/or most memorable flicks.

And with that intro, let’s head for the podium:

The Best Quarter-Life Crisis Flick: Beautiful Girls
A decade before it became en vogue to have a life crisis at age 30, Beautiful Girls waxed about careers in neutral, romancing the neighborhood Lolita, supermodels (and dogs) named Elle, and the pros/cons of dating a meat cutter. The movie also reminds us that life’s big questions are best answered while ice fishing.

The on-screen romantic chemistry between Timothy Hudson and Natalie Portman (in her breakout role) is believable without being eerie, despite their fifteen year age difference. Michael Rappaport is outstanding as the wavering boyfriend turned stalker with a snow-plow at his disposal. Uma Thurman, Rosie O’Donnell, and Matt Dillon turn is solid performances. And the dialog from start to finish is top notch (“No more Jethro Tull!”).

A movie for all moods.

The Tipping Point: The American President
This movie is the adult version of Malcolm Gladwell’s experiment with kids who watch the same episode of Blue's Clues every day of the week and enjoy it just as much on Friday as Monday. If TNT shows this movie consecutively on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night, I/you/we will tune in multiple times (TNT: We Know Repetition). Give viewers a survey and the results will indicate what you already know: each viewing was equally enjoyable (thank you very much).

A better survey question would be: how many people have secretly memorized the “My name is Andrew Shepherd, and I AM the President” speech in front of their forward-looking presidential mirror.

Most Quotable Movie: Top Gun
What you should have done was land your plane! You don't own that plane, the tax payers do!...I gotta do something here, I still can believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! You two characters are going to Top Gun. And if you screw up just this much, you'll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong...That's right! Ice, man. I am dangerous...You were in a 4g inverted dive with a MiG28? Yes ma'am...It's classified. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you...The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room...Crashed and burned huh, Mav? Hey, Slider: you stink!...No, boys. There's two "O"s in Goose...Now this is what I call a target rich environment...I feel the need, the need for speed!...Come on, Mav, do some of that pilot shit!...Sorry Goose, but it's time to buzz the tower…. That's a negative Ghost rider, the pattern is full...What were you doing? Communicating. Keeping up foriegn relations. You know, giving him the bird!...Goose, she’s lost it. She’s lost that loving feeling. Ah shit, I hate it when she does that.

Game, set, match: Top Gun.

The Clark Kent (Often Overlooked): Philadelphia
I recently saw this movie again, and to be sure, it’s not a movie you can watch every Friday night (take that Malcolm Gladwell!). But after my recent viewing my only lingering question was: “why isn’t this on TV more?” Such a terrific flick.

Besides, Philadelphia isn’t Schindler’s List or 21 Grams (films which require a week’s worth of hydration and rest in order to watch sans I.V.). Granted, the end isn't all Beach Boys and Bon Bons, but there's triumph amidst a few tears. Plus, we get three heavyweights (Denzel, Hanks, and Zorro) at the top of their game.

Speaking of which, Hanks “eyes wide shut” monologue to the famed aria, La Mamma Morta from Andrea Cheneir (performed by the incomparable Maria Callas), is a zenith moment in acting: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3b0p9mTJOJI&mode=related&search=
The Best Movie You Don’t Own: The Commitments
The backdrop: a group of Dubliners are forming a band.
The fun begins when: the manager has tryouts in his parent’s living room (his dad, an Elvis fanatic, offers skeptical reviews).
Things really get cranking when: a legendary trumpeter shows up on a moped, convinced the divine has led him to the band’s ranks.
The inflection point: the all-white group is instructed to watch a James Brown performance on television and then repeat these transforming words: “I’m black, and I’m proud.”
The final selling point: the film's soulful music is darn good.
One more selling point (after the final selling point): The saxophone player is also the lead actor/singer in the recent Sundance favorite, Once (a film which received 4 stars from the Chowder’s lead critic).

A Fine, Red Wine (Better with Age): Breakfast at Tiffany’s
When using the word “timeless” to describe a person or character, you’d be hard pressed to trump either Audrey Hepburn or Holly Golightly. Throw in writer Paul Varjak (“that’s V-A-R-J-A-K”) and a cat named Cat, and you end up with a cinematic classic.

But to be certain: it’s Hepburn being Hepburn which makes this meal breakfast, lunch, and dinner:

“No the blues are different. The blues are when you’re getting fatter or its been raining too long, but your just sad that’s all. But the mean reds are terrible. You are suddenly afraid and you don’t even know why. Well anyway, when I get the mean reds the only good thing to do is jump in a cab and go over to Tiffany’s. It calms me down right away. So quiet and respectable. Nothing bad could ever happen to you there. If I ever found a place like Tiffany’s, oh well I’d buy some furniture and give the cat a name!”

The Movie That Scared Me Shitless as a Kid:
Watcher in the Woods
No joke: I’m scared to imdb this movie and see the images associated with this flick. Could awaken sleepless nights that need not be revisited. Note to all parents (and wouldbe parents): permanently block this movie on your digital cable box. You, and your kids, will thank me later.

The Bambino Award : The Empire Strikes Back
The cornerstone of my collection. Six stars out of a possible four.

Consider, if you would, the frenzied expectations surrounding the Star Wars follow-up (fans showed up for the Empire premiere in costume for crying out loud). Now contemplate the extent to which Lucas and the gang overdelivered (“No Luke, I am your father.”). Empire is the cinematic equivalent of Babe Ruth calling his homerun shot: unfathomable.

The Star Wars trilogy also gets my vote for best musical score.

The Spoof to Outspoof all Spoofs: Spaceballs
“Give me Ludicrous Speed.” Now give it to me again and again.

Between Dark Helmet, Lone Starr, Colonel Sandurz, Pizza the Hut, and a ship full of Assholes, it’s hard for me to imagine a better comedic setup. Nowadays, I can’t get through a night on the town without wondering “when will then be now” or suggesting that friends stay the course after the first eight women of the night shirk their advances (“keep firing assholes”).

If this category was, “five movies you’d take with you on a deserted island,” Spaceballs would be one of my five.

And with that acknowledgment, back to combing the desert.

The Best Sports Movie: Hoosiers
A brutally difficult category. Hoosiers is being asked to compete against video library must-haves Major League, Field of Dreams, Seabiscuit, and Bull Durham. But I won’t fight my roots or this fabled true story (Hoosiers is based on the cinderella victory of tiny Milan, Indiana in the 1954 state championship).

Also, in case anyone is doubting the fanatical hype surrounding Indiana high school hoops, consider this: six of the ten largest high school gyms in the world are in the state of Indiana. It’s little wonder that every small-town Hoosier reenacts Jimmy Chitwood’s game-winning jumper from the top of the key. To this day I still want to nail a basketball rim to any 10-foot post I see.

The Henry V: Moulin Rouge
I know: a lot of people hated this film. More than a few moviegoers walked out of the theatre once they realized it was a musical. Alternatively, some of us thought it was artistic genius from start to finish and would gladly head (once more) into the breach to defend its honor. Keep in mind, this movie sparked the return of the musical (and musically focused) movie: paving the way for the likes of Chicago, Dreamgirls, Ray, and Walk the Line.

Remember: “We could be heroes, just for one day.”

The Most Underrated Film by a Scientologist:
The Color of Money
People rightfully question the number of loose marbles in Tom Cruise’s noggin. But you can’t dispute the man’s chops as an actor. Between Risky Business, Cocktail, Born on the Fourth of July, Rain Man (Cruise’s performance should have been Oscar worthy), A Few Good Men, Mission: Impossible, Jerry Maguire, and the most quotable movie of all-time: it’s hard to imagine a more prolific and profitable 20-year interval.

But this early role alongside Paul Newman, who won an Oscar (best actor) for playing Cruise’s mentor and ex-hustler, Fast Eddie Felsen, is probably my favorite. Cruise plays a brash pool player (Vince) whose natural talents are obvious, but his ignorance in the ways of making money (hustling people) is even more obvious. That is, before Fast Eddie takes him under his wing.

Few scenes please me more than Vince’s pool match with a local legend (Moselle). Cruise karate chops his way around the pool table with his cue stick, howling to “Werewolves of London” (by the one and only, Warren Zevon), as he runs every ball off the table. The icing on the cake is this exchange between a disgusted Felsen and Vince after he beats Moselle:

Felsen: “How much did you take off of Moselle? I heard $100.”
Vince: “A hundred? Hah. One Fifty.”
Felsen: “One Fifty? You walk into a shoe store with a hundred and fifty bucks, you come out with one shoe! We were working on five thousand!”

The Best of the Best from Across the Pond: Amelie
Not dissimilar to Moulin Rouse in its originality and unclassifiable brilliance. Another film I could watch over and over. It’s also a film whose cinematography and editing make you wonder, “How in the world did they mesh all that together?”

Quirky, romantic, enchanting, and utterly unto itself. If you’ve never seen this film, make room for it in your Netflix queue.

The Ultimate Rocky Movie that Isn’t Rocky: Seabiscuit
It pains me a tad to list a movie with Spiderman playing a jockey. But only a tad. As much as I love horse racing, how could I not reference “our” movie about the little thoroughbred who could.

Seabiscuit is the undisputed Rocky Balboa of thoroughbred racing: a small horse by thoroughbred standards that was knocked down (twice) but refused to stay on the mat. Seabiscuit had a fabled sire but was sold for cents on the dollar when, at first, he didn’t live up to his lineage. Given a second chance in the barn of trainer Tom Smith (played to perfection by Chris Cooper), Seabiscuit became the horse for everyman amidst the Depression.

The film does a great job of depicting the unlikely recovery that Seabiscuit, and jockey Red Pollard, made after career-threatening injuries. In a real-life Hollywood ending, the duo reunite to capture the one race that previously eluded them: The Big Cap (also known as the “Hundred Grander”). Over 78,000 fans at Santa Anita stormed the track that day in 1940, engulfing Seabiscuit as he capped off the most improbable and heart-warming comeback in racing history.

Kudos to hall-of-fame jockey Gary Stevens for his solid cinematic performance which enhanced the retelling of this legendary story.

The “Fields Good” Flick for All Time: Love Actually
If Empire is anchoring the top overall spot, and Spaceballs is carrying the viceroys in the hilarity category: the romantic comedy (aka “Fields good”) department has an undisputed champion as well, Love Actually. Granted, I wore out Notting Hill in college when I riggity realized that my old girl was adiosing somebody else’s dishes (years later, I credit her mucho for moving on). Regardless, the point here is that Notting Hill, while a classic, isn’t taking home any hardware.

Love Actually is my gold, frankincense, and myrrh when I need a pickup. Probably seen it twenty times. And when the holidays roll around, it will (!) be the first DVD I grab. The ending, which features a scamper through Heathrow airport and a marriage proposal in a Portuguese restaurant, could be the most uplifting (let’s conquer the world) finale since Hawke and the boys opted for a desktop, “O Captain, My Captain.”

And on that note, I’m off to practice my drums.