The Monthly Stew: Home Cookin' Edition

20) Arni's
In the almanac of "historic Knobs' landmarks," Arni's might get top billing. Located in the heart of downtown, Arni's has been serving up the best 'za in Floyd County for generations (why bother getting specific with our dates).

Go to Arni's often enough and you're guaranteed to bump into Fuzzy Zoeller and other local celebrities, a term I use loosely. You can't go wrong with any topping at Arni's but the ground-up pepperoni is the bomb.

Whit: I'll meet you at Arni's.

19) Hairmaster Ron
Any "best of" list has to start off with a bang and then take it up another notch, and this Highlander stalwart has been bringing the thunder, with the clippers, for as long as anyone can remember. Stop in and see Ron or Anita and you’ll not only get a great trim, but also catch up on all things Knobs.

Rom = as fine a representative for the Knobs as you'll ever find.

18) Highlander Point
Every town needs a point of congregation, and every congregation deserves a good plot of asphalt. Highlander Point is not only the epicenter of the Knobs, but it’s also the biggest plot of pavement in Eden.

Home to Hairmaster Ron, Papa John’s Tumbleweed, DQ, and Sam’s, Highlander Point is to Knobbers what the intersection of 1st and 1st in New York is to Cosmo Kramer: “the nexus of the universe.”

17) "WannaBes"
In southern Indiana the wannabes include Red Devils, Panthers, Pioneers, and Bull Dogs. Especially Bull Dogs. The wannabes are locals who grew up wishing they could be Floyd Central Highlanders, but they got shafted: their parents didn't pick a lot on the sunny side of the street.

Wannabes: I wish you better luck in the next lifetime.

16) All Hail Caesar
In what was arguably the dumbest decision in the history of Floyd County, in 1993 the county commission rejected a proposal which would allow riverboat gambling in the county. The Commission was worried about an influx of sinning gamblers, but the strategy backfired: Floyd County’s dismissal paved the way for neighboring Harrison County to welcome Caesar’s Casino about 100 feet beyond the Floyd county line.

And now, when I’m home, my antes at Caesar’s promote Harrison County schools, as opposed to the kids in Floyd. Local Government, you gotta love it.

15) Small Town Alert: Corydon, Indiana
Visitors in search of a day trip from mecca (Knobs) will find Indiana's first capitol, Corydon, a mere twelve miles down the road. When I was growing up, Corydon was synonymous with the movies; it was the closest cinema in the heartland. Corydon is also home to two of So. Indiana's finest residents, Fred and Sabrina Haas, who now reside two blocks from the town square.

Another great town in Southern Indiana. A seemingly endless list.

14) The Five Families
The Italian Mafia had the fabled five families. In the Knobs we’re sans Mafia, but we still have the five families. And if your roots are truly Knobs, you are related to, or will be related to, one of the five: Naville, Loftus, Jacobi, Bierman, or Libbs.

13) WNAS -- 88.1 FM
Broadcasting live since May of 1949, WNAS is the oldest student run radio station in the state (think Donna and David working the dials on 90210). The air time at WNAS is shared between Floyd Central and New Albany, and back in the day we only had about 50 CDs to choose from -- Queen & Pearl Jam got a lot of airtime.

It’s mystifying to think that immature, mumbling teenagers are given access to the airwaves. Thankfully, our ratings didn't warrant much attention from the FCC, thus giving me and Port, my senior year co-host, an uncensored mic to win over listeners by the twos and threes.

The air waves will never be the same.

12) The Two Bobs
In high school you hate most teachers, admire a few, and respect even fewer. But at Floyd Central I had to admire Bob Singleton for his good-natured do-nothingness, and I respected Bob Youngblood (Bobby Y to the students) for his dedication to literature and patience with my 7th period clan. Thanks to Youngblood’s AP English Class, I developed a lifelong affinity and dedication to reading.

My gratitude: it overflows.

11) Plum Hill
Looking down on the bright lights, big city of Louisville, Plum Hill offers one of the best views in Middle America. Admittedly, trespassers are strongly discouraged, as the affluent homeowners on the Hill value privacy. And yet, virtually every sixteen year-old with a car and an eye on getting to second base has done battle with the subdivision's security patrolman.

Damn if I didn’t blow it big-time with Wendy Miller back in the day when I had a lay-up atop Plum Hill. Truly, some misfires stay with you forever.

10) The Wine of the Month: Huber's "Knobstone Reserve"
If you want traditional port, go to Portugal. If you want a port aged in oak barrels and sweetened with plums and hints of Knobs, go to Huber’s. In addition to Knobstone Reserve, Huber’s is known for their award-winning sweet and fruit flavored wines, including Blackberry, Strawberry, and Sweet Marcella.

Located in picturesque Starlight, IN -- a mere 15 minutes from Highlander Point -- Huber’s is a worthwhile stopover for anyone passing through the Knobs.

9) Corner Kitchen
You've got to respect a local diner that hosts weekly euchre tourneys in a barely lit, ultra smoky back room. When the typical player in said tourney is a 70 year-old female chimney who tells you to pick up any Jack that's turned over to prevent you from going alone, then you’ve stumbled onto something unique.

Warning: if you don't bring your A game; grandma will laugh your euchre skills right out of the Kitchen.

8) Valley View Golf Club
The number of rounds I’ve played at Valley View is probably a five-digit number. For the better part of a decade growing up, 36 holes a day was more/less a given during the summer. And the bar at Valley View might as well be Cheers; everyone knows your name (and every parcel of your life).

If I ever move back to utopia, my first down payment won’t be for a home, but for a membership at the View.

7) Sammy O’s
Sammy O’s is the Knobs' version of Mo’s Tavern (where the beer flows like wine). No additional description needed.

6) Berry Twist
Some wanna be Knobbers would claim that Polly Freeze is the best local ice cream shop. I'm here to tell you, those hill jacks are wrong. In the land of milk and cream, it's Berry Twist or bust.

Plus, BT was once sponsor to my 4 win, 12 loss little league team. Free cones after the game and the best looking Highlanders working the order window all summer ("I get older, they stay the same age."). The strawberry shakes were off the charts.

I HEART Berry Twist.

5) The Bob Caple Quote of the Month
"Ain't no horse that can't be rode. Ain't no cowboy that can't be throwed."

4) The Georgetown Drive-In
City life affords you a lot of opportunities, but you miss out on some options that are 110% rural. And nothing says rural America like a good double-screen drive-in.

Truthfully, I can’t remember a single movie I saw there, other than Jurassic Park. But then again, most pubescent memories from the movies aren't focused on the Oscars.

3) Harvest Homecoming
This local October festival brings all the rides and elephant ears standard with the fair. And right down the street the Culbertson Mansion used to host as wicked a haunted house as one could ever hope to find. But admittedly, the real action is in the beer garden, where you’re guaranteed to see a few people you genuinely miss, and about a thousand you could live forever without.

It's one of those facts of life: any harvest, or homecoming, is more memorable when drunk Knobbers are in the mix.

2) Churchill Downs
True, Churchill is located in a southern suburb of the Knobs, Louisville. But indirectly Churchill is the reason I’m a Knobber, so it’s going on the list (my dad had to live near a horse racing track). Plus, I love everything about Churchill.

Nothing says home like the Twin Spires and a mint julep on the first weekend in May. Beyond my friends and family, this is what I miss most about Louisville.

1) The Queso at Tumbleweed
If you’re sitting in the #1 slot on this list, you are a pre-approved candidate as the eighth natural wonder of the world. Said another way, I don’t think there’s a better queso dipping sauce on the planet. At the Weed I even get my chimichanga queso style; it’s impossible to get enough of this cheesy delight.

My mouth waters, and waters, and waters.